America's Most Smartest Model - Episode 3

It's Monday again! Does everyone know what that means? America's Most Smartest Model was on last night! Yay! Tempers are flaring this week. Andre is still screaming at...well, pretty much anyone who will stick around to listen to him scream. Personally? I wouldn't ever sit in the same room as the man. Walk away, people! It is a valid option! Daniel was the main combatant against Andre in this episode. It's really a wonder that these people don't lose their voices from screaming at each other and Andre.

Yes, Jesse is still "fat." I'm not sure why Mary Alice thinks that a person can lose five pounds overnight. She keeps harping on the fact that poor Jesse doesn't have washboard abs. There isn't a whole lot he can do about that at this point. He's working out every morning and watching what he eats. Well, he was until the first competition where the models had to eat Twinkies and chocolate cake if they answered a question wrong. Speaking of which....COME ON, you can't answer "Who wrote the Star-Spangled Banner?" Did you not finish junior high or something? You were supposed to be one of the smarter models, Jesse.

As I said, in the first competition of the night, the models had to answer some basic trivia questions such as "Who shot John F. Kennedy?" If they answered correctly, they got to eat a healthy food and a more difficult follow-up question. If they answered the follow-up correctly, they could give their junk food to another model to eat. If they answered their first question incorrectly, they had to eat their junk food. (If the follow-up was incorrectly answered, nothing happened.) Andre got some payback in this round. Three of the models gave him their chocolate cake after answering their questions correctly. Yes, he had to eat THREE pieces of chocolate cake in one standing. Poor stupid Mandy Lynn answered her question wrong then refused to finish her cake claiming she was full and it was too sweet. So she got herself disqualified for the second competition of the day.

The second competition revolved around exercising. Gilad, a fitness guru, used this to pick one of the models to host his next group of fitness videos. Some of the models didn't even try. It was pretty sad. In the end, it came down to Australian~Rachael and Brett. I thought Rachael kicked Brett's ass but Brett ended up getting picked by Gilad. That gave him immunity from being kicked from the show. I kinda think Gilad just wanted to pick the guy over the girl. Luckily Rachael was a good sport and didn't throw a fit or anything.

Since Mandy Lynn was disqualified for the second competition, she didn't have to be there. She even got a package from Mary Alice containing hair dye so she could dye her hair instead. Mandy Lynn decided to play the trooper and go exercise with everyone anyway. About ten minutes into the exercising, Mandy Lynn decided it was too difficult for her and she'd go inside to figure out how to dye her hair. Somehow, she managed to not screw the whole thing up. Her hair actually came out pretty nice. Though it sounds like Mandy Lynn hates it. I think she really does want to be a porn star but she doesn't want to SAY it on national television.

Here is where I usually tell you that I won't reveal who got kicked off but I'm changing things up a bit this week. The three on the chopping block this week were Jesse (because he's fat, duh), Mandy Lynn (because she's dumber than a brick) and American~Rachel (because she's weak since she's too thin? what?). Rachel was taken off the block so it was down to Jesse and Mandy Lynn. Jesse is given another chance to miraculously lose weight overnight and Mandy Lynn is given the big boot. I find it absolutely hysterical that the judges waited until AFTER she dyed her hair to kick her off. It was almost like "Yeah, you did what we said but you still suck." Absolutely amazing.

Now we will get down to the real competition. American~Rachel is still pretty stupid so I imagine that she'll be gone in the next couple of weeks. Knowing how Mary Alice is, Jesse will be the next to get kicked off since it's impossible to lose love handles overnight. If it was possible, I think there would be a lot less "fat" people walking around. (Please note that we are using the model's definition of "fat," where you are obese if you weigh over 110 pounds.) I will miss Mandy Lynn but not her fake boobs, porn star hair and annoying laugh. She was entertaining while she lasted.

America's Most Smartest Model - Episode 2

Oh, this is definitely my new crack. I wasn't planning on writing about this every week but the models are just begging me to make fun of them. So it looks like I have a new weekly feature on my hands. America's Most Smartest Model - When Will They Ditch Mandy Lynn? This week the models were put into boy/girl pairs. For their first challenge, the models had a Jeopardy!-inspired game show where they would win items for their second challenge, a photo shoot. No one knew who Jackie Kennedy's designer was and I think it was American!Rachel that thought that Napoleon's last name was 'Pierre.' Amazingly, it was Mandy Lynn who answered that question correctly. In the end, it was Pickle and Australian!Rachel that got the most stuff for their shoot. Poor Jesse, who keeps getting picked on for being heavier than the other models, and Erika got nothing more than some body paint and a bed.

For the second round, the teams got to use their l33t model skillz. The only things they could use were the things they won in the first round. If you didn't win any makeup, then you got no makeup. It definitely made things a little more interesting. There was a professional photographer there to help them and he helped Mary Alice choose the best picture from the lot. In my opinion, Jesse and Erika should have done more with their body paint. There are SO many things they could have done but they barely did anything. Needless to say, their picture ended up on the bottom of the pile. Despite a late-night blow-out, Andre and Lisa managed to wrangle their differences into an amazing picture. Alas, Mary Alice didn't like the "violence" portrayed in the picture, choosing Pickle and Australian!Rachel as the winners of the round.

While I won't tell you who got kicked off, I will let you know that, somehow, Mandy Lynn is still around. I think that Mary Alice, who seems to make most of the decisions about who gets to stay, knows that Mandy Lynn is the one bringing in the ratings. She's the reason people will watch. It's unfortunate because she doesn't BELONG on the show. Yes, she had big (probably fake) boobs but she is a total airhead. (In the knowledge round, she said that GOP stood for Governor of Presidents!) This is supposed to be about being smart and pretty. I hope that Mandy Lynn gets kicked off soon. I'll continue to watch after she's gone. Sadly, I think she'll make it way farther than she should. OK, she's already made it way farther than she should. Hopefully she'll get kicked off next week.

America's Most Smartest Model

I generally don't watch a lot of reality television. However, as I was flipping through the channels last night, I came across the absolute best title for a reality show: America's Most Smartest Model. After a quick look at the show description and seeing that it is co-hosted by Ben Stein, I decided that this was a show I had to watch even though it might make my brain explode. So I got all comfy and settled in for the 90 minute premiere episode on VH1. This is now my favorite reality show. (Sorry, Beauty and the Geek.) We are introduced to the hosts, Ben Stein and Mary Alice Stephenson, and the 14 models. Of course, the models are all very pretty but that is not why I am here. I want to hear them be stupid!

Somewhat surprisingly, there are some very smart contestants. Daniel is working on his doctorate in Psychology, Jeff was an electrical engineering major before he dropped out of college (while that doesn't sound good written down, the guy is rather smart), Australian!Rachel graduated college in 3 1/2 years with honors. To offset the smartness, there are contestants like Playboy model Mandy Lynn and American!Rachel.

The first challenge the contestants are dealt is a spelling bee. All of the words in the bee are fashion/model related. Easy words like 'blue appear in the first round but then the difficulty level hits the roof. Most of the models are eliminated in the second round. One of Mandy Lynn's words was 'collagen,' which she spells correctly before telling the camera that her lips are not collagen, they are silicone. Oh, Mandy Lynn, you are so the win. I believe it was Brett that won this round, giving him an "edge" for the next challenge.

For the second challenge, the models had to walk and talk. While walking the runway, they would be given a category (such as "Types of Trees") and they would have to name as many things in that category as they could. I thought that some of the categories were fairly difficult. I don't know that I could name a lot of Elements on the Periodic Table off the top of my head. Mandy Lynn, once again, won my heart and the title of Trailer Trash Princess by repeating the same four objects in her category "Things That Are Round." (For those that are curious, her list was 'balls, cherries, balloons, tires.') Daniel won this challenge and immunity from getting the big ol' boot.

I won't give away who got tossed out of the competition. Though I will tell you that it was not Mandy Lynn. By all accounts, it should have been Mandy Lynn. Ben Stein should have tattooed "Moron" on her forehead and kicked her out. However, he likes her big boobies and Mary Alice thinks she can fix Mandy Lynn. I don't have that much confidence in her. On one hand, she really does not belong in this competition. On the other hand, she is probably the most entertaining of them all. So rock on with your stupidity, Mandy Lynn. As society has proved, all you really need is a big set of knockers anyway, right?