It's A Wonderful Knife | 2023 Christmas Movies

We’re ending this year with a slasher film. It’s A Wonderful Knife on Shudder. Will I regret this?

One year after a masked slasher kills a bunch of people on Christmas Eve, Winnie Carruthers (Jane Widdop) wishes on the aurora borealis that she was never born. She is immediately transported to another dimension where she was, in fact, never born. In this dimension, Winnie did not kill the slasher so the slasher kept on murdering townspeople. Now it is up to Winnie to right these wrongs.

This was an interesting take on It’s A Wonderful Life. Pretty much everyone in Winnie’s life who survived the original “Angel Attacks” were awful people. The only exceptions were her aunt Gale (Katharine Isabelle), Gale’s girlfriend Karen (Cassandra Naud), and Winnie’s classmate Bernie (Jess McLeod) who everyone called “weirdo.” So it’s a little understandable why Winnie wouldn’t want to be around them any more. However, wishing that SHE didn’t exist was a little much and it seemed a little out of character for Winnie. If they had made her more despondent that she had killed someone, maybe it would make some sense. As it is, it sounded a little more “emo teen” than George Bailey.

There were some good points. Justin Long is good at playing a terrible person, even though his fake teeth were a little distracting. Widdop and McLeod did a decent job at bringing their characters to life. They did a lot of dumb things that teenagers would probably do in that situation. (Instead of other slasher movies where they act like teenagers would make all of the right moves to keep from getting murdered.) In the end, it wasn’t the best slasher movie but it was a pretty good Christmas slasher homage.

Rating: Stay for the end credit song. It’s a banger.

A Christmas Karen | 2023 Christmas Movies

I woke up this morning with a rather large headache but I knew I only had a few movies left to finish out the 2023 reviews. But I didn’t want to watch something that was going to be awful. After starting and stopping a few movies that were completely unwatchable, I decided to cheat a little and watch 2022’s A Christmas Karen instead.

Karen (Michele Simms) is an entitled middle-aged woman that spends her time demanding special treatment from people. After a particularly argumentative day, she is visited by the ghost of a former boss, Jackie (Meghan Moroney). Jackie tells Karen that she will be visited by three ghosts - Gary the ghost of Christmas past (Rolin Alexis), Joy the ghost of Christmas present (Leyla Lawrence), and Damon the ghost of Christmas future (Lee Karlinsky). Will the ghosts get Karen to change her ways?

Yes, this is a remake of A Christmas Carol. And this is a low budget film. However, A Christmas Karen was very well done. The budget was only noticeable in the special effects and some of the sets. The acting was so well done and the story was a perfect homage to the original. I enjoyed the movie so much despite the fact that my head hurt. It was impossible to not chuckle at some of the scenes.

Rating: You won’t ask for the manager

Christmas Casanova | 2023 Christmas Movies

My second Paramount+ movie is Christmas Casanova. I’m not going to get through all of the Paramount+ Christmas movies before the end of the year. If anyone is interested, maybe I’ll see about doing a Christmas in July or something and revisit the movies I missed. Let me know if you want that!

Elisa (Kalinka Petrie) is a lifestyle story podcaster looking for a story for a Christmas show. Daniyal (Fuad Ahmed) wants to make his childhood friend, Tanya (Samantha Brown), fall in love with him. In exchange for content for her podcast, Elisa agrees to help Daniyal win Tanya from her boyfriend, Cliff (Brendan Morgan).

This is two movies in a row with a lead character wanting to steal someone from their boyfriend. And it’s another childhood friend! These people need to stop being terrible. Be happy that your friend has found someone they enjoy being with and stop trying to be the main character in their life. The movie is fine. Boring but fine. There’s something else I want to talk about: the production company.

Christmas Casanova is produced by Reel One Entertainment. They are not new to the Christmas genre. Just this year they put out Mom’s Christmas Boyfriend, How To Fall In Love By Christmas, Coupled Up For Christmas, Christmas At The Chalet, Merry Magic Christmas, Mistletoe Match, and so many more. While I don’t hate their movies like I do MarVista’s awful films, Reel One’s end up so boring. Either they don’t put nearly enough action into the movie, resulting in the audience wondering why we are watching people do mundane things, or they put too much action into the movies, resulting in the audience losing the point of the plot. Writing a movie isn’t easy. Writing a lot of movies in a rather short period of times is even harder. But it would be nice if production companies would be more thoughtful about what they are putting out. Make it enjoyable. Make us want to watch it again and again.

Rating: The podcast that even the host doesn’t want to be in

Coupled Up For Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

I got tired of watching the movies on Freevee. So I popped over to Paramount+ to see if they had anything. The first movie I chose was Coupled Up For Christmas, which seems like it might be on some other streaming services too? I’ve found out that I have no idea how streaming services outside of Netflix and Hulu work.

Tiffany (Sara Canning) has decided she is in love with her childhood friend, Brett (Joe Perry). But Brett is currently dating Matilda (Jocelyn Chugg). Meanwhile, Peter (Marcus Rosner) wants to get back with his ex-girlfriend, Lorraine (Skye MacDonald), but she is currently dating Samuel (Everett Dool). Tiffany and Peter agree to pretend-date in order to make their crushes jealous.

This must be the theme for this year because this is not the first movie I have watched with this exact plot. And I don’t understand why any of them think it would work. Ignoring the fact that this is an annoyingly dumb plot, the movie isn’t terrible. Canning and Rosner are decent enough actors to pull off some awful lines. I think the only thing I really didn’t like about the movie is that Tiffany’s sister, Camille (Megan Tracz), gets left out in the cold. She ends up as a fifth wheel to the other two couples, though there is a sort of hint that she is going to end up with the bartender Brie (Colette Nwachi), who keeps stepping in to pair up with Camille in events. But we don’t get an ending to that. Poor Camille is left high and dry.

Rating: Draw me like your Santa man.

The Claus Family 3 | 2023 Christmas Movies

For the past two years, I have been watching The Claus Family movies. I loved the first one and the second was OK but not as good. Will the third one be a letdown?

The Claus family is going on vacation to a ski resort. However, grandfather Noël (Jan Decleir) and Jules (Mo Bakker) still need to secretly deliver presents. But shortly after arriving at the resort, Jules’ little sister Noor (Amber Metdepenningen) finds the snowglobe and discovers that they are Santa. She wants to join them but Jules is worried that someone so young won’t be able to keep their secret.

Last year, I asked for a movie that involved the family more. And I got it! The big sub-plot for the movie is Suzanne (Bracha van Doesburgh), the kids’ mother, wants to propose to her boyfriend, Jef (Kürt Rogiers). Usually her plots are terrible but this one is decent. I even enjoyed Jet’s (Sien Eggers) bumbling help to make the proposal happen. It is a little uncomfortable but in all of the right ways.

There is a sort of secondary sub-plot where Noël gets captured in Mexico when delivering presents with the kids so he ends up in a Mexican prison. Then the elves and the kids have to figure out how to get him back. But, at the same time, the main plot involves Noor and a bully named Felix (Celest Henri Cornelis). I did like the way Noor’s story was handled though I’m not sure we needed to stick Santa in prison to achieve it.

Rating: More Claus Family please!!!

Christmas Time | 2023 Christmas Movies

Christmas Time is another 2023 movie that I only caught because I was scrolling through FreeVee looking for movies. This means I don’t have a lot of information about the movie, of course.

Kevin Snowdon (Neil James) is a physics teacher that does not enjoy Christmas. Every year, he takes his family on a skiing vacation to escape the holiday. This year, however, there was a mix-up with the reservations and the family ended up in Lapland, a Christmas tourist destination.

The first part of the movie is quite dull. And it’s not because Kevin doesn’t like Christmas. It’s because he’s just bland about it all. Except for a few scenes where he seems angry that people are dressed in Christmas attire, he’s mostly walking around without any real personality. It isn’t until the family gets to Lapland that he starts to show who he is a bit more. And it really isn’t until The Santa Trip that he starts to come to life. To be honest, Santa’s workshop/house/village is the best part of the whole movie. I wish the writers devoted a little more time to the scenes there.

Sadly, that means that this isn’t a movie that I can recommend to everyone. This is for someone who is looking for a Christmas movie that has zero romance in it (except for a teenage crush) and wants to see a grumpy man find the Christmas spirit. Though there are better movies that this that accomplish that. It upsets me because Christmas Time could have been much better if they put a little more effort into it.

Rating: Can I be an elf?

Genie | 2023 Christmas Movies

Now we’re moving over to Peacock for Genie starring Melissa McCarthy. My first wish is that this movie will be good.

Bernard (Papa Essiedu) is a workaholic at an auction house. When he misses his daughter’s 8th birthday, his wife Julie (Denée Benton) leaves him. As he wanders around his empty apartment, he dusts off an old jewelry box, releasing a genie named Flora (McCarthy). Can Flora help Bernard get his family back?

So…there is nothing new in this movie. This is basically Disney’s Aladdin but boring. Aladdin had the amazing Robin Williams to keep the comedy flowing. McCarthy is just not that funny. All of the jokes not only land flat, they create crators where they are dropped. In the worst move of all, they cast Alan Cumming, who is so good at comedic acting, as Bernard’s boss. He should be the big bad guy. But we only see him twice. (I poked into this film’s Wikipedia page. It turns out this is a remake of a 1991 BBC film where Cumming played Bernard. What should have been an homage was a terrible use of a talented actor.)

There are a million things you could do with a movie about a genie. Instead, we keep getting the same old story over and over again. This is, honestly, sadder than any of the Hallmark Christmas movies.

Rating: I wish I didn’t watch it

A Perfect Christmas Pairing | 2023 Christmas Movies

Most of the movies going forward are going to be from various streaming platforms. A Perfect Christmas Pairing aired on FreeVee, an Amazon video app.

Grace Cooke (Ansley Gordon) is a chef who desperately wants to get a Michelin star. After a bad review, she goes home to her family’s winery for the holidays. There she meets Asher (Chris Connell), a travel journalist who doesn’t stay in the same place for very long.

This was a dumb movie. From the characters laughing (over a laughtrack) to the stupidest jokes to Grace feeling the need to explain “Behind” to Asher when she walked behind him (“it’s restaurant speak for ‘I’m walking behind you’”) to the fact that no one has life behind their eyes. It is all just so terrible. And even the main conflict - a woman coming into town to try to buy up all of the companies? - makes no sense and is no actual threat to anything since no one wants to sell. They act like she can just give them money and that means they sold their property, even if they don’t want to. Maybe FreeVee isn’t the place to go for movies.

Rating: Take two ideas that have nothing to do with each other and try to smash them together

Your Christmas Or Mine 2 | 2023 Christmas Movies

Last year, we saw Asa Butterfield and Cora Kirk in Amazon Prime’s Your Christmas Or Mine?. This year there is a sequel: Your Christmas Or Mine 2. Do we think it will do the original justice?

James (Butterfield) and Hayley (Kirk) are going on a Christmas skiing vacation in Austria with both of their families. Of course things get a little mixed up at first but they are quickly resolved. However, can their families really spend this much time together and not argue?

The first movie was cute. This movie wasn’t as cute. Instead of the movie being about showing James and Hayley how the other grew up and spent their lives, all we see is a rich family upset that they are in “poor people” accommodations while the middle class family parties it up in the “rich people” resort. It felt less like seeing the other side of the tracks and more like taking advantage of an obvious mistake. And, once again, the conflicts could have been solved by having simple conversations throughout the trip. Instead, they don’t say anything and just blow up at the end. I know this is a Christmas movie but it feels like a couple that is going to get married then get divorced pretty quickly.

Rating: Watch the first but not the second

A Royal Christmas Holiday | 2023 Christmas Movies

We’re rounding out the last of the 2023 Christmas movies from Hallmark, Lifetime, and Great American Family with GAF’s A Royal Christmas Holiday. Don’t worry, I still have a few more movies to round out the year. I have some from Netflix, Amazon Prime, Roku, and FreeVee. Plenty to get us to the new year.

Katie (Brittany Underwood) works for a television station. While she is on the air, she only reads public service announcements. She wants to do something more. When the station’s most popular host goes on vacation, Katie gets the chance to try to interview Prince Jonathan (Jonathan Stoddard) from Visaria, who never gives out interviews. Will Katie find more than her big break with this royal?

Yeah, this was a pretty boring movie. There wasn’t a ton of interviewing done. Even though Katie had to convince Jonathan to let her film them on her phone as they hung out, the only time she actually filmed him was during a sit-down interview at her parents’ house. She took a bunch of pictures but that doesn’t actually help a video interview. The pair falling in love was boring too. Jonathan obviously fell in love at first sight but I’m not sure that Katie actually liked the guy. It was all just so boring.

Rating: No wonder there’s only one flight every year from Visaria