Love of the Irish (2025)

Love of the Irish was supposed to be the finale for the February Valentine’s reviews. Thankfully, it was not a Loveuary release because I had a very difficult time getting through this one. I rolled my eyes so hard I was afraid they might stay that way!

Fiona (Shenae Grimes-Beech) is a ballet dancer having trouble landing a role. In an attempt to fix her bad luck, she goes on a trip to Ireland with her mother, Helen (Moira Kelly). Helen’s goal on the trip is to reunite with her birth mother, who she believes lives in Ireland. Thanks to some helpful locals, and a single dad named Liam (Stephen Hagan), the women may just find what they are looking for.

I have a few problems with this movie. Just to get this out of the way: Fiona is supposed to be a dancer yet we never actually see her dance. No, the fancy turn when she’s playing darts doesn’t count. And no, “teaching” children how to hold their arms doesn’t count either. They could have given her any career in the world. Why did they choose ballet if they weren’t going to do any actual ballet?

Next, the writers really needed to pick one storyline to stick with. Every time a scene started to get interesting with Helen and her mother, they switch over to Fiona and Liam. WHO ARE BORING. They are boring people. They do nothing. This movie would have been a lot more interesting if they made it more of a mystery-type movie where they spend more time tracking down Helen’s mother with a big happy reunion party at the end. Liam could have been their guide around Ireland that Fiona falls in love with. His daughter is completely unnecessary, Fiona’s ballet is completely unnecessary, the rest of the movie is completely unnecessary.

I’m sorry that this review didn’t make it into February. On the plus side, an Irish movie fits in with a March St. Patrick’s Day theme, right? Well, either way, stay away from this one. It’s dull.

Rating: 2 out of 5 hearts or clovers

It's What's Inside (2024)

The first Netflix horror movie I watched this season is It’s What’s Inside. To be honest, I forgot that it released on October 4. I just happened to be scrolling through Netflix and thought it looked interesting. But was it?

Shelby (Brittany O’Grady) has been trying to get her boyfriend, Cyrus (James Morosini), interested in her. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be working. She wants to skip the party for their friend Reuben (Devon Terrell), who is getting married, but Cyrus insists they go. At the party, they meet up with all their friends - Dennis (Gavin Leatherwood), Maya (Nina Bloomgarden), Nikki (Alycia Debnam-Carey), and Brooke (Reina Hardesty). Surprisingly, their estranged friend from college, Forbes (David Thompson), also shows up. Forbes has brought a mysterious suitcase containing a strange machine. He hooks everyone up to the machine and turns it on, immediately making everyone swap bodies with each other. Chaos ensues as the group plays a game where they try to guess who is actually inside everyone’s bodies.

This was such an interesting premise. And I really wish the writers had done more with it. Sure, there were some people who were only interested in hooking up with people while they were in their friends’ bodies but there could have been so much more going on. Even the Big Problem that happens doesn’t really cause much drama on-screen. People should be more scared or angry or something but we only see a fraction of how they should feel.

One of my other problems was keeping track of who everyone was. Granted, this is the plot of the movie. You are supposed to lose track of who is who. It make the twist ending better. But since I barely knew the characters’ names to begin with, it was really hard for me to remember who was who. I would have liked maybe a subtitle instead of showing who was inside with a red filter scene. I can’t know who is who when I didn’t know who they were to begin with!

With all of this is mind, It’s What’s Inside wasn’t a terrible movie. I might actually watch it again to see if I can get more out of it. If you like movies that are a little confusing, this one could be for you.

Rating: B

Hold Your Breath (2024)

Generally, Hulu’s Halloween releases aren’t great. But I decided to take a look at Hold Your Breath anyway.

Oklahoma, 1933 - Margaret (Sarah Paulson) has been left alone with her children, Rose (Amiah Miller) and Ollie (Alona Jane Robbins), as her husband travels east. However, life is not going well. There hasn’t been rain in months, giant dust storms frequent the area, and Maragret’s mental health is deteriorating. When Margaret begins to believe that a malicious presence in the dust storms is threatening her small family, she does what she must to protect them.

Hold Your Breath is a very slow movie. This works well in psychological thrillers where there is an amazing payoff. Unfortunately, we don’t get that payoff here. Instead of getting a big bad, things just kinda fizzle out at the end. I don’t know about anyone else but I was left wanting more. Preferably for Rose to step up to protect her deaf younger sister. We get a little bit of that but not nearly enough. Though the movie does leave a little bit open for a sequel if Hulu decides one should happen. I hope they don’t.

Rating: C-

The Deliverance (2024)

Since Shudder let me down, I moved over to Netflix to check out The Deliverance. Somehow, I missed hearing much of anything about this one. So let’s check it out.

Ebony Jackson (Andra Day), her mother - Alberta (Glenn Close), and her three children - Nate (Caleb McLaughlin), Shante (Demi Singleton), and Andre (Anthony B. Jenkins) have just moved into a new home. Sadly, they are plagued by a number of personal problems. Alberta has cancer and her insurance stopped covering her treatment. Ebony has a history of alcohol abuse and physically abusing her children. As a result, Child Protective Services caseworker Cynthia (Mo’Nique) has to check up on the family frequently. However, since they have moved to the new house, the children have been exhibiting a variety of strange behaviors. It isn’t until Bernice (Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor), a Pentecostal pastor, tells Ebony that a demon is after her children that things start to come together.

Normally, I’m not a big fan of demon possession movies. A lot of them come off as hokey or over the top. This one was actually pretty good. While it is based on a true story, there were so many holes in that story that it needed a movie to make it make sense. Thankfully, The Deliverance did a good job of bringing the story together in an interesting way that kept my attention the entire time. Every time I thought I would pick up my phone to scroll through social media, something else happened to drag me back in.

Rating: B

In A Violent Nature (2024)

There were a few horror movies that popped up on streaming services in September that seemed interesting. In A Violent Nature was one of the movies Shudder produced this year. I wish that meant the movie was good…

A group of friends take a locket from the remains of a fire tower. Unfortunately, this was the only thing keeping the corpse of Johnny (Ry Barrett), a developmentally disabled man who died when he fell from the fire tower, in the ground. Johnny rises, stumbling through the forest in search of the locket. And he is willing to kill anyone who gets in his way.

In A Violent Nature is the most boring horror movie I have ever seen. The movie is based on the idea of “what if we followed Jason through the Friday the 13th franchise instead of following the victims? The answer is “please don’t do that. It’s stupid.” There are so many long, drawn-out shots with no soundtrack (beyond the natural sounds of the forest) of Johnny walking through the woods. And most of the time, we only see the back of him. There is one shot where we see his face and, to be honest, I wish we didn’t get that shot.

Most of the kills are also boring. The only interesting kill is the woman doing yoga on a mountain. Feel free to turn the movie off after that one. It doesn’t get any better. I have seen people say these are the best, most innovative kills they have ever seen. They are straight up lying.

Do not watch Violent Nature. As a matter of fact, let’s try to erase it from existence instead.

Rating: F

I Saw The TV Glow (2024)

In 2022, I reviewed a movie titled We’re All Going To The World’s Fair. I hated it. It was actually my number 1 worst movie that year. According to some other reviews, I just didn’t get it. Anyway, the writer/director for that movie released another movie, I Saw The TV Glow, which isn’t a sequel but it is the second part of a trilogy they will be releasing. I’m not sure I got this one either.

Owen (Ian Foreman) is a lonely 7th grader who meets Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine), a 9th grader, while his mother is voting. Maddy is reading an episodic guide about The Pink Opaque, a late night television show aimed at young adults. Unfortunately, Owen’s father (Fred Durst) won’t let Owen watch the show claiming it is for girls. Owen lies to his mother and sneaks over to Maddy’s house to watch the latest episode. Two years later, Owen (Justice Smith) and Maddy have bonded over the show. Maddy tells Owen she is going to run away. She asks Owen to go with her but he bails at the last minute. Shortly after Maddy goes missing, The Pink Opaque is cancelled. Eight years later, Maddy reappears, telling Owen that she has been living inside the show. She tells him how she paid someone to bury her alive then she woke up as Tara, one of the show’s main characters. Again, she tries to get Owen to come with her but he doesn’t. Instead, his life continues until he has a breakdown at work.

After I finished I Saw The TV Glow, I felt the same way I did at the end of World’s Fair. Normally I don’t look up other movie reviews before I write mine because I don’t want to be influenced by their opinions. However, I did look up some reviews since I saw so many saying that people missed the point of World’s Fair. It seems that TV Glow is an allegory for being transgender. I am not in that community so perhaps that is why the point of the movie went over my head. If you are in the community and you have watched this movie, please let me know your thoughts about it. I would love to know if there were signs that I missed.

With all of that said, can I recommend TV Glow? For me, the movie was extremely slow. I can’t say that I got a lot of enjoyment out of it. Perhaps I just shouldn’t watch any more Jane Schoenbrun movies. They don’t seem to be for me.

Rating: C

#AMFAD: All My Friends Are Dead (2024)

#AMFAD: All My Friends Are Dead appeared on my radar because it claimed to star JoJo Siwa. I’m not sure that I would say she stars in it. It’s really more like a feature. Well, let’s go…

A friends group, mostly made up of internet influencers, is heading to a music festival. On the way, their van breaks down. Police officer Shaw (Michaella Russell) happens past and recommends the group find someplace to stay because their van won’t be fixed until the next day. Sarah (Jade Pettyjohn), the only one in the group with no social media presence, finds them a house nearby. Shaw drives them to the house, promising to contact them when the van is fixed. One by one, each of the friends is murdered…apparent retaliation for the suicide of Collette (Siwa), a former friend of the group.

This is one of those movies that has a terrible plot, a lot of blood, and a fair amount of gore. It’s also one of those difficult to rate movies. All of the characters are terrible. But they are supposed to be terrible. That is why the entire plot happens. So…I don’t know. I can’t say that I enjoyed the movie but it’s not nearly as bad as some of the other horror movies I’ve watched. I guess if you are looking for a movie where a bunch of vapid college students get killed in weird ways…maybe you’ll enjoy it? At the very least, I don’t think you would regret watching it.

Rating: C

Terrifier 2 (2022)

Art the Clown is back in Terrifier 2. The first Terrifier movie was really bad. So bad that I’m not really sure why they made a second one. Since the third one is coming out later this year, let’s take a look at the second installment to see if it is any better.

Immediately after the events of Terrifier, Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) has, somehow, been resurrected. After murdering the coroner, Art goes to a laundromat to clean his costume, where he sees a Little Pale Girl (Amelie McLain) dressed in a clown outfit similar to his own. A year later, high schooler Sienna (Lauren LaVera) is preparing her Halloween costume - an angel warrior based on sketches from her late father. Her younger brother, Jonathan (Elliott Fullam), has become obsessed with Art thanks to some artwork in their father’s sketchbook. It seems that their father has predicted that Sienna, as the angel warrior with a sword, will kill Art the Clown. But is that really possible?

First, let me say that this movie was better than the first. Not that it was difficult to accomplish. Does that make it a good movie though? Ehhhh.

The storyline is a big improvement. However, there are some very big plot holes that bug me. We never get a reason why the unnamed father of Sienna and Jonathan drew pictures of Art the Clown or why he predicted that this angel warrior he drew when Sienna was a “little girl” was going to kill him. Their father supposedly died of a brain tumor. Why would he know anything about Art? And why is Art attacking this family?

At least the characters or the acting makes up for it, right? Not really. Barbara (Sarah Voigt), mother to Sienna and Jonathan, is pretty awful to them. She spends most of her screen time screaming at the kids. It’s kinda annoying. The only person that isn’t terrible is Allie’s mom (Amy Russ), who only appears for about five minutes.

I wouldn’t say that the movie is worth watching. From what I can gather, if you plan on watching the third movie, you will need to watch this and the first movies. It might be better to avoid the franchise altogether.

Rating: D

The Watchers (2024)

If my father was a famous movie director, I don’t know that I would direct a movie that is supposed to be in the same general genre as his movies under my own name. Especially if I didn’t have a ton of directorial work already under my belt. Preferably work that isn’t like…my sister’s music videos or episodes of my dad’s television show. But I’m not a Shyamalan. What do I know…

Mina (Dakota Fanning) works in a pet shop in Ireland. On the 15th anniversary of her mother’s death, Mina’s boss asks her to deliver a rare bird to a zoo near Belfast. As she drives across the country, both her cell phone and her car break down in a dense forest. Mina begins walking through the forest to find help but she finds Madeline (Olwen Fouéré) instead. Madeline takes Mina to a building with a large mirrored window, where she is introduced to the other people living in “The Coop” - Ciara (Georgina Campbell) and Daniel (Oliver Finnegan). Together, they explain that there are “Watchers” outside that hide in burrows during the day and watch the humans at night. They must never go outside at night or the Watchers will kill them.

Normally, I would explain much more of the plot. I’m not going to do that here. To be honest, this short paragraph is way more interesting than the movie itself. I was 20 minutes in when I paused it to tell my husband what I thought the twist was. And I was right. Well, partially right. There were like two more unnecessary twists. Most of this movie was unnecessary.

I’m going to try to do this without spoilers but it might be difficult. Here is a list of things that the movie thought was super important but wasn’t:

• Mina’s mother’s death - this was supposed to be why Mina was so sad and anti-social but it happened FIFTEEN YEARS ago. She should have just gone to therapy. The whole movie could have happened without this event ever occurring.

• Daniel’s change of behavior - from what I hear, this happened very differently in the book. Yes, this movie is based on a book.

• The mythology behind the Watchers - the movie didn’t make this very interesting. I find the actual Irish mythology so intriguing but the movie did nothing with it.

While I never read the original book, there were so many things in the movie that could have been tweaked a bit more to actually make it spooky and exciting. Instead, we are given bland characters that we have no reason to care about, Watchers that are revealed too early then given lame reasons to be an antagonists, predictable twists that were just boring, and a script with the worst dialog. I appreciate that Ishana Night Shyamalan wants to be a writer/director like her father. But she really should have done more work - whether it was behind the scenes on other movies or taking more classes - before releasing a full-length movie of her own. The Watchers wasn’t worth our time or the $30million budget.

Rating: D-

Terrifier (2016)

Since Terrifier 3 will be coming out this year and I have never seen any of the Terrifier movies, I turned on the first movie in the series to see what I was in for. I am kinda sorry that I did.

Halloween 2017 - two friends, Tara (Jenna Kanell) and Dawn (Catherine Corcoran), are heading home from a party when they run into Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton). Art creepily follows them to a pizzeria, where he gets kicked out for smearing feces on the wall of the bathroom. After the women leave, Art murders the two pizzeria workers. Meanwhile, the women discover the tires on Dawn’s car have been slashed. As they wait for Tara’s sister, Victoria (Samantha Scaffidi), to pick them up, Tara convinces an exterminator named Matt (Matt McAllister) to let her into the building he is working on so she can use the bathroom. Art captures everyone and murders almost everyone.

This movie is bad. There were so many times I turned to my husband to ask him if I missed something. According to the Wikipedia page for Terrifier, this movie was supposed to showcase Art the Clown and writer/director Damien Leone’s practical effects. Unfortunately, Leone left out any sort of plot or character development. Great horror movies make you care for at least one character. Usually it’s one of the people the killer is going after but sometimes it’s the actual killer. Terrifier doesn’t make you care for anyone. We literally know nothing about Art and the victims are killed so quickly after their introduction that they are almost nameless strangers. Leone really should have lowered the body count in order to spend a little more time with the characters. Or he could have spent more time with Art so we could get a feeling of why he’s doing this. As it stands, this movie is pretty unwatchable. I really hope the next two movies are better.

Rating: F-