Terrifier 2 (2022)

Art the Clown is back in Terrifier 2. The first Terrifier movie was really bad. So bad that I’m not really sure why they made a second one. Since the third one is coming out later this year, let’s take a look at the second installment to see if it is any better.

Immediately after the events of Terrifier, Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) has, somehow, been resurrected. After murdering the coroner, Art goes to a laundromat to clean his costume, where he sees a Little Pale Girl (Amelie McLain) dressed in a clown outfit similar to his own. A year later, high schooler Sienna (Lauren LaVera) is preparing her Halloween costume - an angel warrior based on sketches from her late father. Her younger brother, Jonathan (Elliott Fullam), has become obsessed with Art thanks to some artwork in their father’s sketchbook. It seems that their father has predicted that Sienna, as the angel warrior with a sword, will kill Art the Clown. But is that really possible?

First, let me say that this movie was better than the first. Not that it was difficult to accomplish. Does that make it a good movie though? Ehhhh.

The storyline is a big improvement. However, there are some very big plot holes that bug me. We never get a reason why the unnamed father of Sienna and Jonathan drew pictures of Art the Clown or why he predicted that this angel warrior he drew when Sienna was a “little girl” was going to kill him. Their father supposedly died of a brain tumor. Why would he know anything about Art? And why is Art attacking this family?

At least the characters or the acting makes up for it, right? Not really. Barbara (Sarah Voigt), mother to Sienna and Jonathan, is pretty awful to them. She spends most of her screen time screaming at the kids. It’s kinda annoying. The only person that isn’t terrible is Allie’s mom (Amy Russ), who only appears for about five minutes.

I wouldn’t say that the movie is worth watching. From what I can gather, if you plan on watching the third movie, you will need to watch this and the first movies. It might be better to avoid the franchise altogether.

Rating: D

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)

Thirty-six years after Tim Burton released Beetlejuice, the sequel - Beetlejuice Beetlejuice - hit theaters. A lot of people are looking forward to it but it might be a little too difficult to live up to the popularity of the original. Let’s take a look.

Lydia Deetz (Winona Ryder), now an adult, has recently learned that her father, Charles, has died. She goes back to Winter River with her stepmother, Delia (Catherine O’Hara); her estranged daughter, Astrid (Jenna Ortega); and her television producer-boyfriend, Rory (Justin Theroux) to bury her father and sell the house from her childhood. Once the family is back in the house on the hill, Lydia’s visions of Betelgeuse (Michael Keaton) get worse. Thinking her mother is either a liar or insane, Astrid runs away into town, where she meets Jeremy (Arthur Conti) after crashing her bike through his fence. Meanwhile, Rory is doing everything he can to get Lydia to marry him as quickly as possible. What Rory doesn’t know is that Betelgeuse also wants to marry Lydia. And when Lydia finds out that not only Jeremy is a ghost, he also murdered both of his parents before he died, she calls on Betelgeuse to help her save Astrid. Of course, Betelgeuse is all to happy to help…once he gets Lydia to sign a contract stating that she will marry him in return for his help. As Betelgeuse and Lydia run through the afterlife in search of Astrid, they are chased by Betelgeuse’s ex-wife, Delores (Monica Bellucci), and actor-turned cop, Wolf Jackson (Willem Dafoe). Surely this will end happily for everyone. Right?

Let me start by saying I didn’t hate this movie. But I didn’t love it either. There were way too many unnecessary characters that could have been cut in order to make this a better movie. I have no idea why Delores is in this (other than the actress is dating Tim Burton currently). She barely has any lines and she just kinda floats from scene to scene with no real motivation. The same can be said for Wolf Jackson. I’m sure they were looking for a replacement for Juno, the caseworker that helped Adam and Barbara in the first movie. However, he never seemed to have any real power or ability to actually enforce the rules of the underworld. Finally, all of the scenes involving Charles after they explained his death could have been cut. No reason for any of them.

There were also a few scenes that went on too long. I actually got bored during the big song scene. I shouldn’t have gotten bored during that scene. That scene could have easily been cut in half and accomplished the same thing.

Unfortunately, this means I can’t really recommend going to see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice in theaters. It might be fine to watch once it reaches the streaming services but I don’t think it’s worth spending the money to actually go to the movie theater. Which makes me sad because I did want to enjoy it more than I did.

Rating: D

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

My family is a big fan of the Ghostbusters franchise. So of course we went to see Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire. The plot description for this would get super long if I tried to described the whole thing so I’m going to leave out A LOT.

The Spenglers - Callie (Carrie Coon), Trevor (Finn Wolfhard), and Phoebe (Mckenna Grace) - have moved to New York City with Carrie’s boyfriend, Greg Grooberson (Paul Rudd), to be Ghostbusters. After a particularly bad bust, Callie suspends Phoebe from the team until she turns 18. Upset about the decision, Phoebe goes to the park where she meets Melody (Emily Alyn Lind), the ghost of a 16-year old girl who died in a fire. Meanwhile, there is a lot of rumbling in the ghost world as Garraka, an ancient god with ice powers, tries to come back to the mortal world. With help from the original Ghostbusters - Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd), Winston Zeddemore (Ernie Hudson), Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), and Janine Melnitz (Annie Potts) - the new Ghostbusters try to save the world again.

I went to the movie with my husband and my daughter. All three of us really enjoyed the movie. There were a lot of references to the original Ghostbusters movies but not so many that it made the new movie cheesy. It didn’t feel like these were just fanservice moments added to appease the older crowd. Instead, they felt like a natural progression of the franchise.

As for the story, like I said, there is a lot going on. But that isn’t a bad thing. The movie clocks in at just under 2 hours and there wasn’t a single second where I thought the movie was dragging or something should have been cut. Every moment had a reason and was enjoyable to watch. I honestly hope they can continue the series with the same love for the franchise that these obviously have.

Rating: A

Damsel (2024)

There are so many movies that I mean to watch when they come out then I completely forget about them. Netflix’s Damsel is one of those.

Elodie (Millie Bobby Brown) is the eldest daughter to a lord. In order to save her village from starvation, her father (Ray Winstone) marries her off to Prince Henry (Nick Robinson). Little did he know that Henry’s family has an ancient ritual where they sacrifice young women with royal blood to a dragon. Can Elodie escape the dragon or will she be killed like so many before her?

I fully admit that I enjoy dragons. Somehow, this movie managed to make a dragon boring. Where they could have had some epic fights with the dragon, most of the movie is spent with Elodie hiding and running away. We’re supposed to think that Elodie is a complete badass, despite the fact that she has zero training and hasn’t consumed anything (including water) for a long time. It was, honestly, more confusing than entertaining.

Another annoying thing is that they introduce these glowworms that have healing properties. But at no point to they explain how they heal…they just do. This could have been a great time to introduce some magic into the world or even some alchemy. Nah. All that plot point is good for is light and healing.

Sadly, even though I was looking forward to watching this, it wasn’t worth my time. The best part of the movie is the last maybe fifteen minutes. The rest of the movie should have been left on the cutting room floor.

Rating: D

Leave The World Behind (2023)

I’ve been meaning to watch Netflix’s Leave The World Behind for awhile but, to be honest, the 2 1/2 hour runtime kept putting me off. I am very tired of these really long movies. But I finally did it. I finally sat down and watched it.

Tired of work and life in general, Amanda Sandford (Julia Roberts) decides to take her family on an impromptu weekend vacation. So she packs up husband Clay (Ethan Hawke) and children Archie (Charlie Evans) and Rose (Farrah Mackenzie) and heads to out of New York City. Strange things start to happen after an oil tanker runs aground while they visited the beach. That night, the owner of the AirBNB, George (Mahershala Ali), and his daughter, Ruth (Myha’la), show up wanting to stay at the house with the Sandford family. Amanda, who doesn’t like people very much, is weirded out but Clay agrees they can stay. Soon after, all of their cell phones stop working, along with the television and the internet. The two families try their best to stay calm and figure out exactly what is happening.

Did I mention this movie is long? It is so long. And for a lot of it, nothing really happens. It’s a lot of things not working the way they are supposed to, then Amanda gets suspicious of everyone, then Clay tries to talk her out of insanity, and the kids just exist. Yes, it is just as tedious as it sounds. We sometimes get little hints about what is going on but if you aren’t paying super close attention to details, it is easy to miss. Especially when we’re talking about a 2 1/2 hour movie with very little happening on-screen. I’m glad I finally crossed this movie off my list of things to watch. But that doesn’t mean I’m glad I watched it.

Rating: D+

Spaceman (2024)

In late February 2024, Netflix released Spaceman. A sci-fi drama starring Adam Sandler as a Czech astronaut. I don’t know about this one….

Jakub Procházka(Sandler) is on a solo space mission to investigate a mysterious cloud near Jupiter. Just before reaching his destination, he finds a spider-like alien aboard his ship. The creature, speaking to Jakub telepathically, wants to know more about humans. And Jakub, suffering from loneliness and depression, befriends the spider, naming him Hanuš (Paul Dano). Hanuš learns about Jakub’s life and how he hasn’t been the best of husbands to his wife, Lenka (Carey Mulligan). Can Hanuš help Jakub become a better man?

Sadly, I kept expecting more from this movie. First, it’s very difficult to accept that Adam Sandler is supposed to be Czech. His accent comes and goes, seemingly dependent on whether or not he remembers he’s supposed to have one. Second, nothing really happens. Since Jakub is in space and Lenka is on Earth, everything we see between the two of them are just Jakub’s memories as seen by Hanuš. (Yes, the spider can also read minds.) Communication has been cut off between Jakub and Lenka because of their failing relationship. So I kept waiting for some big twist - the spider isn’t real and Jakub is hallucinating on the ship, Jakub isn’t really on the ship at all, the spider is just pretending to be a cool guy so he can eat Jakub. But no, nothing happens. This movie is literally Jakub going to couples therapy without his wife and a spider is his therapist.

I’m saying skip this one. I know Sandler has done dramatic roles before and I was really hoping that this would be a really good dramatic role for him. But this was the wrong role for him with a bad plot. I really do wish it was better.

Rating: D

Dune: Part Two (2024)

I am not a huge fan of the Dune franchise. My husband, however, is. So that means we sat in the movie theater for over three hours (including the time for commercials and trailers before the movie itself) to see Dune: Part Two. Was it worth it?

Paul Atreides (Timothée Chalamet) and his mother, Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson), have been living with the Fremen after the massacre of their entire House. Half of the Fremen are suspicious of the pair while the other half believes Paul is a prophesied savior. As Paul works on becoming a Freman, earning the love of Chani (Zendaya) in the process, Jessica is forced the drink the Water of Life to become the new Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother for the tribe. Unknown to everyone except Jessica and Paul, she is pregnant, resulting in the premature awakening of her unborn daughter’s mind, giving Jessica the ability to converse with her. As the Reverend Mother, Jessica begins convincing the unfaithful portion of the Fremen that Paul is, indeed, fulfilling the prophesy, eventually travelling south to expand her reach. Shortly thereafter, House Harkonnen attacks the Fremen cave system, forcing the rest of the Fremen to also head south. Paul is unwilling due to having visions of a holy war if he did. He eventually gives in and travels south with the rest of the Fremen. Will this cause the death of millions as he foresaw?

Yes, this is a very long movie. No, it does not finish the story…there will be at least one more part coming. However, I will say that the movie didn’t feel like it was almost three hours long. There weren’t any parts that I felt dragged, though there were some parts that felt like they did some sort of time skip or that I missed something. Now, I never read any of the Dune books. So I’m not sure if this is something that happens in the book or if this was a creative decision. Thankfully, it didn’t seem to effect the actual storyline very much. It only made me feel a little disjointed a few times.

Is this worth watching? Meh. If you like the Dune franchise. This didn’t feel like a “must watch” movie. You will be perfectly fine if you skip it. Or maybe wait until all of the parts are released and watch it at home. I don’t think you will lose anything and you will have the luxury of a pause button.

Rating: B+

Beautiful Wedding (2024)

At the beginning of the month, I watched last year’s Beautiful Disaster. Of course I had to watch the sequel, Beautiful Wedding. Let’s see if this one holds up.

Immediately after the end of Beautiful Disaster, Abby (Virginia Gardner), Travis (Dylan Sprouse), Mer (Libe Barer), and Shepley (Austin North) party in Las Vegas. When the group wakes up, they find cash strewn all over the room and a video showing Abby and Travis getting married. After finding the legal marriage license, the group takes a trip to Mexico for the honeymoon. However, during the trip Abby and Travis realize that maybe they shouldn’t stay married after all.

Much like the first movie, this one is also all over the place. We’ve almost completely abandoned the back story of Abby playing poker. It comes up in the beginning when they find all the cash and it’s referenced one other time as a throwaway line. Beyond that, Wedding focuses entirely on Travis being super jealous of every guy Abby speaks to and Abby running away every time Travis makes a mistake or a woman hits on him. There are so many instances where they could have just talked to each other but they don’t. I think we’re supposed to believe their volatile because they’re 19. However, neither of them seem to really learn from their mistakes.

With that said, this is a sort of fun movie in the “everyone is a terrible person and none of them should be around other people” type of way. There are two women that spend every moment they are on screen literally throwing themselves at Travis, even after he says no multiple times. I hate them. Mer and Shepley get into a huge fight that probably could have been just a simple discussion. (They did a similar thing in the first movie so maybe this is their thing.) And Abby and Travis do everything but talk to each other. Is this a movie I would watch again? No. Do I regret watching it? Also no. I do hope that there isn’t a third movie coming though. I don’t think I want to watch these people any more.

Rating: B-

Love Virtually (2023)

I watched Love Virtually last week with the full intention of reviewing it. However, it is such a terrible movie that I didn’t want to talk about it. But it is my sworn duty to warn you of crap like this so you don’t have to watch it. Warning: This may be more of a rant than a review.

In a world where people commonly use Metaverse virtual reality, a group of people try to navigate both their real life and virtual life relationships.

Ugh, this movie is so bad. There are so many characters that the script doesn’t actually take any time to develop any of them. We have professional gamer Roddy (Peter Gilroy) who messed up his relationship with his girlfriend Kimberly (Paige Mobley). He’s trying to save it but she blocked him and she’s now being romantically pursued by another professional gamer, Kalvin (L.E. Staiman). Next is the married couple Barry (Ryan O’Flanagan) and Angela (Ksenia Valenti). Barry spends so much time working that he doesn’t pay attention to Angela so Angela has sought comfort in the…arms…of the virtual reality shopping helper, Chatbot (Paul F. Thompkins). They are attending online couples therapy but their therapist, Dr. Divine (Stephen Tobolowsky), is more interested in sexting with his virtual reality sidepiece, Dr. Evelyn (Cheri Oteri)….who ends up being his real life wife even though neither of them realize it. Finally, there’s influencer Clarissa (Nikki Howard) and basketball athlete La Monte (Vincent Washington). They both had big public relations issues and now they are trying to save their reputations by pretending to be “regular” people. They meet on a dating app, only they have trouble actually getting together to meet. But when they do and they realize who each other is? It’s a doozy.

So, yeah…we have storylines for nine people and a Chatbot. This movie isn’t even a full hour and a half long. It would have been better if we cut down the number of people involved. Make it about the triangle between Robby, Kimberly, and Kalvin with the b-plot of Clarissa and La Monte trying to save their reputations. Also make it funny. This is supposed to be a comedy but there wasn’t anything funny happening. Oh, and make the animation pretty. I get that it’s supposed to look like the Metaverse, which doesn’t have great animation, but this is a movie version of it. Stuff is supposed to look better in the movies.

This really may have been the worst movie I have ever seen. And I have seen some really bad movies. Stay away at all cost.

Rating: Can we go lower than F?

An American In Austen (2024)

Hallmark’s next movie in their Loveuary lineup is An American In Austen. How sick of Jane Austen novels will I be by the time this month is over?

Harriett (Eliza Bennett) is a librarian who thinks Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” is the perfect man. When her boyfriend of three years, Ethan (Bert Seymour), proposes to her, she freaks out and answers ‘maybe.’ After the ordeal, she drunkenly wishes someone like Mr. Darcy would sweep her off her feet. Her friends send her home in a taxi, where she falls asleep, only to wake up inside the novel itself. Can Harriett navigate the world of Elizabeth (Bell Barlow) and Mr. Darcy (Nicholas Bishop) without messing everything up?

I hated the beginning of this movie. Ethan was nothing but nice to Harriett and she was awful to him. I could understand if Ethan was self-centered or tried to make Harriett change but we only saw a lovely man who was interested in the things his partner enjoyed and made a huge effort to give her a lavish proposal. And she basically replies with a “Eh, I would prefer if you were a fictional man who is kinda a dick to everyone for most of the book.” What the hell, Harriett?!

When she arrives in 1813, it takes awhile for her to become bearable. It actually isn’t until she realizes that she is massively screwing up the storyline of the book that she magically turns into a thoughtful person. Then, after she fixes the storyline and goes back home, only then does she realize how terrible she can been to Ethan. I mean, it’s a romcom, we need the big romantic gesture…..EVEN THOUGH WE GOT THAT IN THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE.

Gah. I don’t really want to recommend this movie but the ending with the Bennets is a little heartwarming. I would have preferred if Ethan told her to kick rocks but I guess we can’t end a Hallmark romcom like that, can we?

Rating: C+