Love Virtually (2023)

I watched Love Virtually last week with the full intention of reviewing it. However, it is such a terrible movie that I didn’t want to talk about it. But it is my sworn duty to warn you of crap like this so you don’t have to watch it. Warning: This may be more of a rant than a review.

In a world where people commonly use Metaverse virtual reality, a group of people try to navigate both their real life and virtual life relationships.

Ugh, this movie is so bad. There are so many characters that the script doesn’t actually take any time to develop any of them. We have professional gamer Roddy (Peter Gilroy) who messed up his relationship with his girlfriend Kimberly (Paige Mobley). He’s trying to save it but she blocked him and she’s now being romantically pursued by another professional gamer, Kalvin (L.E. Staiman). Next is the married couple Barry (Ryan O’Flanagan) and Angela (Ksenia Valenti). Barry spends so much time working that he doesn’t pay attention to Angela so Angela has sought comfort in the…arms…of the virtual reality shopping helper, Chatbot (Paul F. Thompkins). They are attending online couples therapy but their therapist, Dr. Divine (Stephen Tobolowsky), is more interested in sexting with his virtual reality sidepiece, Dr. Evelyn (Cheri Oteri)….who ends up being his real life wife even though neither of them realize it. Finally, there’s influencer Clarissa (Nikki Howard) and basketball athlete La Monte (Vincent Washington). They both had big public relations issues and now they are trying to save their reputations by pretending to be “regular” people. They meet on a dating app, only they have trouble actually getting together to meet. But when they do and they realize who each other is? It’s a doozy.

So, yeah…we have storylines for nine people and a Chatbot. This movie isn’t even a full hour and a half long. It would have been better if we cut down the number of people involved. Make it about the triangle between Robby, Kimberly, and Kalvin with the b-plot of Clarissa and La Monte trying to save their reputations. Also make it funny. This is supposed to be a comedy but there wasn’t anything funny happening. Oh, and make the animation pretty. I get that it’s supposed to look like the Metaverse, which doesn’t have great animation, but this is a movie version of it. Stuff is supposed to look better in the movies.

This really may have been the worst movie I have ever seen. And I have seen some really bad movies. Stay away at all cost.

Rating: Can we go lower than F?

Christmas 2023 Wrap-Up | 2023 Christmas Movies

I know you have been looking forward to my 2023 Wrap-Up post. Well, wait no longer. Here are the details!

In 2023, I watched 92 Christmas movies. While this is still more than the 78 movies I watched in 2021, it is a LOT less than the 127 movies I watched last year.

I did banish the terrible UPtv movies from the lineup but I ended up keeping Great American Family. I still don’t feel great watching the channel. It just feels wrong to not include the Candace Cameron Bure and Danica McKellar movies. And if I have the channel for those two, I might as well watch the other 18 movies they aired, right? Thankfully, the MyPillow and Gilmore Girls commercials were absent this year. I’d like to drop the channel next year but that probably won’t happen. Maybe I can find a way to watch it without actually contributing financially to the channel.

Besides GAF, I also covered movies aired on Hallmark, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, Lifetime, Netflix, Hulu, Roku, Amazon Prime/Video/Freevee, Disney+, Paramount+, and Peacock. Sadly, I didn’t even check Discovery to see what they offered. I forgot all about it. Maybe their Christmas offerings will still be around in July and I can revisit them.

Plans for 2024? I like the number of movies I covered this year. I will try my best to keep the number of movies around 92. However, I would like to figure out how to get a better list of all of the Christmas movies airing each year. GAF really likes to change their schedule mid-season so that is unavoidable but I didn’t find out about some of the Amazon movies until the middle of December. Having a full schedule would make it easier to get a good handle on my review schedule.

Is there anything you would like me to add or subtract for next year? Is there a channel that you think I should watch? Do you think I should continue watching Great American Family? Leave me a comment and let me know. I need as much help as I can get!

A Christmas Karen | 2023 Christmas Movies

I woke up this morning with a rather large headache but I knew I only had a few movies left to finish out the 2023 reviews. But I didn’t want to watch something that was going to be awful. After starting and stopping a few movies that were completely unwatchable, I decided to cheat a little and watch 2022’s A Christmas Karen instead.

Karen (Michele Simms) is an entitled middle-aged woman that spends her time demanding special treatment from people. After a particularly argumentative day, she is visited by the ghost of a former boss, Jackie (Meghan Moroney). Jackie tells Karen that she will be visited by three ghosts - Gary the ghost of Christmas past (Rolin Alexis), Joy the ghost of Christmas present (Leyla Lawrence), and Damon the ghost of Christmas future (Lee Karlinsky). Will the ghosts get Karen to change her ways?

Yes, this is a remake of A Christmas Carol. And this is a low budget film. However, A Christmas Karen was very well done. The budget was only noticeable in the special effects and some of the sets. The acting was so well done and the story was a perfect homage to the original. I enjoyed the movie so much despite the fact that my head hurt. It was impossible to not chuckle at some of the scenes.

Rating: You won’t ask for the manager

Your Christmas Or Mine 2 | 2023 Christmas Movies

Last year, we saw Asa Butterfield and Cora Kirk in Amazon Prime’s Your Christmas Or Mine?. This year there is a sequel: Your Christmas Or Mine 2. Do we think it will do the original justice?

James (Butterfield) and Hayley (Kirk) are going on a Christmas skiing vacation in Austria with both of their families. Of course things get a little mixed up at first but they are quickly resolved. However, can their families really spend this much time together and not argue?

The first movie was cute. This movie wasn’t as cute. Instead of the movie being about showing James and Hayley how the other grew up and spent their lives, all we see is a rich family upset that they are in “poor people” accommodations while the middle class family parties it up in the “rich people” resort. It felt less like seeing the other side of the tracks and more like taking advantage of an obvious mistake. And, once again, the conflicts could have been solved by having simple conversations throughout the trip. Instead, they don’t say anything and just blow up at the end. I know this is a Christmas movie but it feels like a couple that is going to get married then get divorced pretty quickly.

Rating: Watch the first but not the second

Candy Cane Lane | 2023 Christmas Movies

Next up is Candy Cane Lane from Amazon Prime Video. With a rather boring title, who knows what this is about.

Every year, Chris (Eddie Murphy) tries to make his homemade Christmas display beat his neighbor’s inflatable display in the neighborhood decoration contest. To upgrade his display this year, he buys a 12 Days of Christmas tree from an elf named Pepper (Jillian Bell). But when he signs his credit card slip, he unknowingly makes a pact that brings the 12 Days to life. Now he must gather all of the golden rings or he will be turned into a figurine for her store.

The “try to outdo Christmas decorations” is a tired plotline. We’ve seen it a lot. However, the twist of bringing the 12 Days of Christmas to life and having to gather all of the golden rings was a nice change. I also really liked the way they portrayed the days. The fight at the high school track was pretty awesome.

I didn’t find myself liking Chris or his wife, Carol (Tracee Ellis Ross), very much. They kept nagging their children to do things they want to do. “Go to the college we want you to attend” and “Don’t be interested in music, even though you are in the marching band and we have obviously spent a lot of money on instrument lessons.” Unfortunately, this means that I didn’t really care if he turned into a figure. I wanted the current figures to be turned back into humans more than I wanted Chris to save himself. The side characters really were the highlight of the movie.

Rating: Can I live with the figures?

EXmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

I recently found out that Amazon has a free streaming service called Freevee. The first 2023 Christmas movie I found on it is EXmas. Do we think this will be better than the stuff on cable?

Ali (Leighton Meester) broke up with Graham (Robbie Amell). However, she did not break up with his family. Thinking that he is not coming home for Christmas, Graham’s parents invite Ali to celebrate with them. But they were wrong. Can Ali and Graham live under the same roof without killing each other?

There were parts of the movie that I enjoyed. Unfortunately, a lot of the fun scenes were ruined by the ruthlessness between Ali and Graham. They aren’t just mean to each other. They are downright evil. I don’t understand how they were able to forgive each other so easily in order to give us the Happy Ever After. In short, this is a movie you could enjoy if you like watching people tear each other apart. Otherwise, you can skip it.

Rating: Tiny food truck or loving relationship - you can only choose one

The People We Hate At The Wedding | Movie Review

You know, I’m not completely sure The People We Hate At The Wedding fits the romcom category. But Amazon listed it as both a comedy and a romance movie so I watched it. Now that I did…I’m not completely sure it’s a comedy either.

Eloise (Cynthia Addai-Robinson) is the first child of Donna (Allison Janney), from her first marriage to Henrique (Isaach De Bankolé) when she lived in England. After they broke up, Donna moved to the United States, married her second husband Bill (Andy Daly), and had two more children: Paul (Ben Platt) and Alice (Kristen Bell). As the children grew up, they grew distant. Now Eloise is about to get married and she has invited her American family to join her, much to their dismay.

This is another movie where almost all of the characters are terrible people. Alice is sleeping with her married boss, Paul is a therapist at a terrible clinic attempting to treat OCD through exposure therapy, Paul’s boyfriend Dominic (Karan Soni) bullies Paul into doing whatever he wants to do, Donna may have abandoned Eloise as a teenager…it’s kinda hinted at but not actually stated, Henrique sleeps around with much younger women. Eloise is the best of the characters and the one we’re supposed to sympathize with. However, she has done her fair share of terrible things as well. While it can be fun watching a dumpster fire, it would have been great if the fire was put out a little sooner.

I suppose, in the end, I would give The People We Hate a 3 out of 5. It definitely would have ranked higher if EVERYONE wasn’t so terrible. I guess Dennis (Dustin Milligan) is a good guy but he’s only in like 4 scenes. He barely counts as a character. I need someone actually in the movie to cheer for!

About Fate | Movie Review

After I watched Shotgun Wedding, Amazon Prime recommended About Fate. It seemed like an easy enough watch so why not?

Griffin (Thomas Mann) wants to propose to his girlfriend, Clementine (Madelaine Petsch). Margot (Emma Roberts) wants her boyfriend, Kip (Lewis Tan), to propose to her. When both dates go wrong, Griffin and Margot find themselves thrown together by fate. Maybe they will find the love they are looking for with each other.

About Fate was fun but not the same kind of fun as Shotgun Wedding. Poor Margot kept getting lambasted by her sister, Carrie (Britt Robertson). No matter what Margot did, Carrie assumed that she would mess it up. While pressure like that would almost always result in failure, Margot always came through for her sister. Sure, it wasn’t “perfect” but, news flash, nothing is perfect.

Thankfully, the relationship between Griffin and Margot kept the movie entertaining. This is one of the few movies where I kinda wished the rest of the characters would just go away so Griffin and Margot could have fun in their own little world. Everyone else sucked.

So where would I stick About Fate? Probably at a 3 out of 5. This isn’t necessarily a movie I would watch again but I might be interested in a movie about Griffin and Margot’s life after they get married. Just not their actual wedding. I don’t want to see either of their families any more.

Shotgun Wedding | Movie Review

Since February is a short month and the month of love, I’m going to attempt to do daily romantic comedy reviews for the entire month. I don’t usually watch a lot of romcoms so some of these movies may be very old. But we’re going to start out with a new one - Shotgun Wedding, which was released on Amazon Prime on January 27.

Tom (Josh Duhamel) and Darcy (Jennifer Lopez) are having a destination wedding. They have gathered all of their family members on a private island in The Philippines. As the bride and groom are getting ready, a band of pirates attacks the rest of the guests, taking them all hostage. They demand a ransom from Darcy’s father, Robert (Cheech Marin). Unbeknownst to everyone, Tom and Darcy are actually arguing, debating whether or not they actually want to get married. When they find out their loved ones are in danger, they work together to save everyone’s lives, reigniting their love along the way.

To be honest, I expected this to be a stupid movie. As I said earlier, I don’t watch a lot of romcoms and the ones starring Jennifer Lopez always seem to be terrible. Imagine how happy I was when I found myself actually enjoying Shotgun Wedding! I think what held it together for me was the ensemble cast. Instead of everything focusing on Darcy and Tom, we had comedy heavyweights Jennifer Coolidge and Cheech Marin alongside the extremely talented D’Arcy Carden, the often-forgotten talent of Melissa Hunter, and the over-the-top acting of Lenny Kravitz. Since the movie split its’ time between the couple and their families, there was a lot more meat to its’ bones.

I wanted to list my favorite parts of the movie here but I’m having a difficult time pinning down one or two moments. The fight scene at the end is pretty cool. So is the zipline scene and the fight in the kitchen. And so is the scene where Darcy confronts her family. I would probably have an easier time listing the things I didn’t like about the movie…though there aren’t a lot of those moments either. I don’t think I would put this as a 5 out of 5 movie but it’s definitely a 4 out of 5.

Something From Tiffany's | 2022 Christmas Movies

As much as I enjoy writing these reviews every year, I will be very happy when I post the last review. Alas, today is not that day. Today I’ll be taking a look at Something From Tiffany’s on Amazon Prime Video.

Rachel (Zoey Deutch) is a baker whose boyfriend, Gary (Ray Nicholson), was hit by a car after buying her Christmas/Hanukkah gift at Tiffany’s. Ethan (Kendrick Sampson) is a writer who also happened to be shopping at Tiffany’s and saw Gary’s accident. When Ethan went to help Gary, their Tiffany bags got mixed up. Ethan ended up giving his girlfriend, Vanessa (Shay Mitchell), a pair of diamond earrings that were intended for Rachel. Gary accidentally proposed to Rachel with the engagement ring that was intended for Vanessa. Not wanting to hurt Rachel’s feelings, Ethan tries to figure out a way to get the ring back without directly asking for it.

I’m a little torn on this movie. It wasn’t bad. It was even a promising premise. However, it was still rather bland and boring. Even when each of the couples has their inevitable argument, there isn’t any drama. While that is the real life ideal, it doesn’t make a great movie. You want the couple to be screaming or throwing things. Something that would make the fight worthwhile to watch. No one wants to watch two adults calmly discuss why their relationship isn’t working.

My other problem is that we don’t really see the relationship between Rachel and Ethan blossom. Sure, they walk around New York a bit together and they visit a park that Ethan claims no one knows about…but c’mon, Ethan, there are a ton of people there. Everyone knows about it. Oh, and they do have dinner together once. I didn’t see anything that would make me think they were falling in love.

Sadly, I’m going to say skip Something From Tiffany’s. It doesn’t have enough oomph to make it an interesting movie. This is something I would turn on if I was having trouble falling asleep. I would love to see this redone in a more dramatic way. Or even more comedic. For a rom-com, it’s barely rom with zero com.