Irish Wish (2024)

Does Netflix know it’s 2024? That it’s OK to have women that don’t think terribly of themselves? I guess not. Let’s talk about the new Lindsay Lohan movie, Irish Wish.

Maddie (Lohan) is a book editor who dreams of writing her own book. The most recent book she edited was written by Paul Kennedy (Alexander Vlahos), who she is absolutely in love with. However, Paul is about to marry one of Maddie’s best friends, Emma (Elizabeth Tan). As the group, along with other best friend Heather (Ayesha Curry), travel to Ireland for the wedding, everything starts going wrong for Maddie. The airport loses her luggage and it takes so much time to fill out the paperwork that she has to take the bus to Paul’s house. It’s on the bus that she meets nature photographer James Thomas (Ed Speleers). The next day, while the soon-to-be-wed couple go out rowing, Maddie accidentally makes a wish to Saint Brigid (Dawn Bradfield) that she would be the one marrying Paul, not Emma. Once the wish comes true, Maddie finds out that she didn’t really want what she thought she did.

The Maddie character really annoyed me. She was quite incapable of doing anything, except for writing obviously. The whole opening of the movie is Maddie making googly eyes at Paul but being too scared to tell him that she likes him. She’s apparently so scared of her feelings that she doesn’t even tell her two best friends. Not in the bar, not in the car home, not at any point during Emma and Paul’s 7-month relationship. Oh wait, she does tell her mother played by Jane Seymour. I have no idea why she is even in the movie. She doesn’t do anything.

Then, when Maddie’s wish comes true, she does nothing to stand up for herself. At the last minute, Paul’s mother wants her to ditch the wedding dress that she picked out (with her mother…off-screen, of course) in order to wear the family wedding dress. I think Heather said something like “But what about your wedding dress?” and Maddie just kinda shrugged it off. There’s another scene where Paul asks her to go bicycle riding. Maddie doesn’t want to do it but she lets Paul bully her into it.

From what I can tell, Maddie had a crush on Paul because he is cute. He’s a terrible person and I’m not sure why she didn’t see that when she worked with him. While I’m not going to spoil his biggest flaw, yes, she absolutely should have known he was awful and she probably should have outright hated him instead of loving him.

Is there a good part to this movie? James was probably the only redeemable character in the whole thing. He was better to Maddie but I’m not sure he is enough to actually save the entire movie. Instead, I think I’m going to chalk this up to another terrible romcom and put it out of my mind. There have to be better romcoms out there to watch.

Rating: D

Beautiful Wedding (2024)

At the beginning of the month, I watched last year’s Beautiful Disaster. Of course I had to watch the sequel, Beautiful Wedding. Let’s see if this one holds up.

Immediately after the end of Beautiful Disaster, Abby (Virginia Gardner), Travis (Dylan Sprouse), Mer (Libe Barer), and Shepley (Austin North) party in Las Vegas. When the group wakes up, they find cash strewn all over the room and a video showing Abby and Travis getting married. After finding the legal marriage license, the group takes a trip to Mexico for the honeymoon. However, during the trip Abby and Travis realize that maybe they shouldn’t stay married after all.

Much like the first movie, this one is also all over the place. We’ve almost completely abandoned the back story of Abby playing poker. It comes up in the beginning when they find all the cash and it’s referenced one other time as a throwaway line. Beyond that, Wedding focuses entirely on Travis being super jealous of every guy Abby speaks to and Abby running away every time Travis makes a mistake or a woman hits on him. There are so many instances where they could have just talked to each other but they don’t. I think we’re supposed to believe their volatile because they’re 19. However, neither of them seem to really learn from their mistakes.

With that said, this is a sort of fun movie in the “everyone is a terrible person and none of them should be around other people” type of way. There are two women that spend every moment they are on screen literally throwing themselves at Travis, even after he says no multiple times. I hate them. Mer and Shepley get into a huge fight that probably could have been just a simple discussion. (They did a similar thing in the first movie so maybe this is their thing.) And Abby and Travis do everything but talk to each other. Is this a movie I would watch again? No. Do I regret watching it? Also no. I do hope that there isn’t a third movie coming though. I don’t think I want to watch these people any more.

Rating: B-

An American In Austen (2024)

Hallmark’s next movie in their Loveuary lineup is An American In Austen. How sick of Jane Austen novels will I be by the time this month is over?

Harriett (Eliza Bennett) is a librarian who thinks Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” is the perfect man. When her boyfriend of three years, Ethan (Bert Seymour), proposes to her, she freaks out and answers ‘maybe.’ After the ordeal, she drunkenly wishes someone like Mr. Darcy would sweep her off her feet. Her friends send her home in a taxi, where she falls asleep, only to wake up inside the novel itself. Can Harriett navigate the world of Elizabeth (Bell Barlow) and Mr. Darcy (Nicholas Bishop) without messing everything up?

I hated the beginning of this movie. Ethan was nothing but nice to Harriett and she was awful to him. I could understand if Ethan was self-centered or tried to make Harriett change but we only saw a lovely man who was interested in the things his partner enjoyed and made a huge effort to give her a lavish proposal. And she basically replies with a “Eh, I would prefer if you were a fictional man who is kinda a dick to everyone for most of the book.” What the hell, Harriett?!

When she arrives in 1813, it takes awhile for her to become bearable. It actually isn’t until she realizes that she is massively screwing up the storyline of the book that she magically turns into a thoughtful person. Then, after she fixes the storyline and goes back home, only then does she realize how terrible she can been to Ethan. I mean, it’s a romcom, we need the big romantic gesture…..EVEN THOUGH WE GOT THAT IN THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE.

Gah. I don’t really want to recommend this movie but the ending with the Bennets is a little heartwarming. I would have preferred if Ethan told her to kick rocks but I guess we can’t end a Hallmark romcom like that, can we?

Rating: C+

Players (2024)

I was going to give up on romcoms now that Valentine’s Day is over. But then I found out that Netflix dropped Players ON Valentine’s Day. Of course I had to watch it.

Mackenzie (Gina Rodriguez), or Mack as she prefers, is a sports writers living in New York City. With her best friends/co-workers - Adam (Damon Wayans Jr), Brannagan (Augustus Prew), and Little (Joel Courtney) - have a book of plays they use to hook up with people. But when Mack catches feelings for her latest hook-up, Nick (Tom Ellis), the gang has to find a new play to turn this one night stand into a relationship.

I’m not sure who this movie is aimed at. Mack is supposed to be like a “guy’s girl.” She’s really into sports, she isn’t friends with any other women, and she sleeps around with no social consequences. (C’mon, if this were any other woman, she would be slut shamed the entire movie.) I think the Mack and Nick characters were gender swapped at some point. The characters make a little more sense then. But anyway, I don’t think that Mack and the guys appeal to women looking for a romcom. Nor do I think they appeal to men…who are looking for a romcom? This is firmly in the romcom section of Netflix. So….yeah, I don’t know who this movie is for.

And mostly that is because everyone in this movie kinda sucks. Mack is a very self-centered woman and we aren’t really given any reasons to root for her. Nick is pretty awful the entire time. The only reason I can see Mack wanting a relationship with him is because Tom Ellis is a very good looking man. Not a great basis for a relationship. Adam, Brannagan, and Little don’t get a lot of characterization. From the beginning, it’s easy to tell who Mack is going to end up with. I’m still not sure why though.

Sadly, Players let me down. I was hoping to like this movie. It had some really good actors and what I thought could have maybe been an interesting plot. But it falls completely flat. It’s a skip for me.

Rating: D

Love Again (2023)

I’m watching Love Again and up pops Celine Dion. I’m not completely sure why she’s in the movie. Her part is a little unnecessary. But whatever. I guess Celine Dion can do whatever Celine Dion wants.

Two years after her boyfriend’s untimely death, Mira (Priyanka Chopra Jones) is still grieving. Her sister, Suzy (Sofia Barclay), has finally convinced her to move out of their parents’ house and back into their apartment. Mira tries to take comfort by texting her late boyfriend’s phone number, which now happens to be the number of Rob’s (Sam Heughan) new company phone. Rob, falling in love with the mysterious texter, meets up with Mira and the two begin a new relationship. But what happens when Mira finds out about the texts?

So…this is a really boring movie. Mira spends a majority of the movie depressed. Which I understand but, girl, it’s been TWO YEARS. At least in Good Grief, Marc’s husband had just died. They should have made the timeline a little closer to his death to make it more emotional.

On top of that, Rob isn’t a very interesting person. He does everything with no real personality. There’s never a high or low to his emotions. It’s one big flat line. Dull.

Honestly, unless you are a giant fan of the actors or Celine Dion, I would say skip this one. Maybe mark is as Uninterested so it doesn’t show up and you don’t even have to think about it.

Rating: D+

Love & Jane (2024)

These Jane Austen-inspired movies are going to make me hate Hallmark. Just when the Christmas movies were getting better. It’s time for Love & Jane.

Lilly (Alison Sweeney) is obsessed with Jane Austen novels. When her life begins to go awry, she wishes she could ask the author for advice. That night, the ghost of Jane Austen (Kendra Anderson) appears to help Lilly through her difficult times.

Yes, this is as dumb as it sounds. Lilly, a rather self-centered woman, doesn’t like technology and thinks everything was better in Jane’s time. Of course, she works for a marketing company and uses a movie version of Siri or Alexa. But technology, bad. And, from what we see, her entire life revolves around Jane Austen. It’s pretty annoying and I have no idea why anyone puts up with her.

I’d talk about the guys in the movie but they are barely there. Lilly breaks up with her boyfriend, Martin (Matthew Kevin Anderson), is the beginning of the movie because he gets a job in Chicago. (Even though he noted that she could move there if she wanted…) But the big romantic interest is Trevor (Benjamin Ayres), who is a client of her firm. He basically pops in now and again to remind us that he exists even though he has no real effect on the plot. This movie really is a romance movie between Lilly and Jane.

There are a few more movies coming up in the Loveuary catalog. I hope that they are better than this.

Rating: D

Paging Mr. Darcy (2024)

The first movie in Hallmark Channel’s Jane Austen series is titled Paging Mr. Darcy. Yes, most of these movies are “Pride and Prejudice” themed. Hopefully this won’t be too bad.

Eloise Cavendish (Mallory Jansen) is a literary professor who specializes in Jane Austen. She is the keynote speaker at this year’s Jane Austen League of America conference. While at the conference, she plans on visiting her sister, Mia (Lillian Doucet-Roche), and meet Dr. Victoria Jennings (Carolyn Scott), a member of the hiring committee at Princeton. After her plane lands, she meets Sam (Will Kemp) dressed as Mr. Darcy. Much to Eloise’s dismay, he is to be her guest liaison for the entire conference. She would rather not partake in the romanticism of Austen’s works. But she does need to impress Dr. Jennings…

I will admit that I’m not a big Jane Austen fan. It’s possible that most of these movies will go right over my head. With that noted, Paging Mr. Darcy is rather boring. Eloise is against all of the costumes and the ball and the general party vibe of the conference. But from what I saw, all of that barely took place. Sure, Sam was dressed as Mr. Darcy most of the time but that was his job. And even then, he took some pictures with some attendees in the beginning then he was busy crafting bonnets with Dr. Jennings, who happens to be his aunt, or hanging out with Eloise - teaching her how to dance, making desserts for the ball, or just randomly chatting. If I was an attendee, I might think this was the worst conference ever. Especially with a keynote speaker that didn’t even want to be there!

Since this is the first movie in the Loveuary series, I’m really hoping the other movies will be better. Hallmark has this weird tendency to put the worst movies in the beginning of the season and the really good ones either smack dab in the middle or at the very end. Cross your fingers the rest of these are better.

Rating: C-

Betty's Bad Luck In Love (2024)

Hallmark is pulling their weight with the February romance movies. Be warned - while I have Betty’s Bad Luck In Love right now, Hallmark is doing a “Loveuary” thing featuring movies about Jane Austen. There will be 4 movies, one each week. But let’s see what Betty is up to first.

Because Betty (Laci J. Mailey) chose to talk to the cute boy at school, a rival girl cursed her with bad luck in love for the rest of her life. As an adult, every time Betty gets close to a guy, she immediately shuts down the relationship, fearing the worst will happen to him. Can she find a way to break the curse and find love?

I’m not going to lie. Betty’s Bad Luck In Love is kinda terrible. Our title character spends almost the entire movie freaking out at every little thing her current beau, Alex (Marco Grazzini), does then complains to her best friend, Mya (Meghan Heffern), about it. Keep in mind that these are all adults. Alex plays rugby in his free time. Betty literally goes to one of his scrimmage games and storms into the field to stop the game so he doesn’t get hurt. And somehow Alex forgives her atrocious behavior. Even if you are worried about a loved one getting hurt, that is part of life. Especially when we’re talking about adults that can make their own decisions. Does she think that Alex doesn’t know the risks of playing a game like rugby?

Then there’s her relationship with Mya. Mya is getting married to Raul (Daylin Willis). As Mya plans the wedding (with very little help from her best friend, by the way), she is running into snags. Her florist can’t get the flowers she wants, the reception venue she booked is double booked, her soon-to-be mother-in-law demands Mya invites her friends to the wedding. All things that can be very big problems. Betty helps a little with the flower issue (by looking up flowers on her phone) but kinda shrugs off the other problems with an “Oh, I’m sorry” then goes back to complaining about her love life. She really is an awful friend.

I was hoping that this was going to be more entertaining. Instead, it’s mostly whining. They could have gone with a magic theme…that would have been cool. They could have gone with a Murphy’s Law type of theme. Nope, they chose a hysterical woman upset over absolutely nothing. This should not be on the Hallmark channel.

Rating: D

Beautiful Disaster (2023)

I have this weird sort of fascination with the Sprouse twins. Mostly because I can never remember which is which and they seem to pick strange roles to play. I kinda remember thinking I wanted to watch Beautiful Disaster when it came out but then I immediately forgot about it. Thankfully, streaming exists.

Abby (Virginia Gardner) was raised to be an amazing poker player. She runs away from Las Vegas and her father to go to college, moving in with her friend, America (Libe Barer). The first night Abby is there, Mer takes her to a secret underground fight club where Abby meets Travis (Dylan Sprouse), one of the fighters. They have an instant connection but Abby is adamant about not getting into a relationship with him. However, the two make a bet at Travis’ next fight. If he wins, Abby has to live with him for a month. Of course, he wins. Toward the end of the month, Abby gets a desperate call from her father needing her to come back to Las Vegas to win $100,000 to get him out of trouble. She leaves without saying anything to anyone. Travis finds out and follows her to Vegas, where he agrees to another fight in order to win the money.

If you couldn’t tell by this description, Beautiful Disaster is all over the place. The will-they-won’t-they in the beginning was actually kinda interesting. It was a little annoying that Travis was so perfect. We never see him lose a fight; with the exception of one time, we never see him do anything terribly bad (I’m not counting amateur underground fighting as bad); and he is frequently an attentive and ideal boyfriend. The movie wants us to think he’s a “bad boy” because he fights but he is completely the opposite.

And that is where the majority of the movie lies. With their budding relationship. The whole ‘Abby saves her father’ plot takes up about a half hour, maybe 45 minutes, of the movie. It was almost like an afterthought. “Oh right, Abby is supposed to be this badass poker player. We should have her play poker more.” But then we don’t actually see her play poker. We see her distract the other players and pretend to be dumb at the game. Neither of those skills makes her an elite poker player. I wish they just spent the rest of the movie on their relationship and left this part out. Especially since there is a sequel that came out a few weeks ago. They could have put all of the poker stuff in there. It probably would have made this movie better.

Rating: B-

Happiness For Beginners

If you ever get bored, open Netflix, go to the categories section in the main menu, and pick a random category to see what they offer you. It’s wild what they list some movies as. For example, here is Happiness For Beginners, listed as a romcom but with very little romance or comedy.

Helen (Ellie Kemper) is a schoolteacher who is having a bit of a life crisis. To get herself back on track, she signs up for a hiking trip on the Appalachain Trail. Little did she know that her younger brother’s best friend, Jake (Luke Grimes), is also on the trip. Can Helen find herself again? And will she find love on the way?

For a movie about hiking and camping and the wilderness, this was so boring. We’re supposed to read into Jake’s longing glances at Helen but, to be honest, she is kind of a bitch to him. She yells at him a lot…until she has to take charge of her sub-group after one of the members gets injured. Oh, and she finds out about Jake’s disability. A lot of the plot happens in conversations so we don’t actually see things happening. I did find out that the movie is based on a book…maybe that is why there is so much talking and so little hiking done.

At the end, I’m not really left caring about any of these characters. I didn’t care when someone got hurt. I didn’t care when Helen suddenly took charge. I didn’t care when Jake dropped his big disability bombshell. I wish I could say that I recommended Happiness because the actors are actually good. But they aren’t given anything to work with. Their cardboard characters could have been dropped anywhere and this would have been exactly the same. I’m sad this wasn’t better.

Rating: C